Connection is so important to overall happiness and wellness. Genuine, real connection is the lifeblood that runs through our veins and keeps us motivated to move forward. One of the key elements to this type of connection is honesty.
As much as I want honesty, I hate conflict. Which can often lead to letting honest thoughts stay quiet and agreeable, complimentary responses come forward.
“Women are determined to seem agreeable, so we sacrifice honesty for conflict aversion, even when the stakes are high. Ironically, this dishonesty locks us away in solitary confinement and we are less free, not more; less connected, not more.”(Jen Hatmaker)
In order to be free to have genuine connection, it is necessary to be honest, even if conflict arises. Which opens up to another necessary level of honest connection, honest reflection.
During an episode of conflict, where does your mind go? Are you focused on your internal emotional turmoil? That is the first place my mind goes. It not only goes to turmoil, it stays there, sets up camp, and lives. My mind becomes so comfortable in the turmoil, it forgets to check in with the present reality. It forgets to examine what happened versus how I feel about what happened.
“In order to stay in the moment, you need to distinguish between what happened and what your mind does with what happened…so simply noticing interrupts my negative trajectory and gives each moment a chance at resolution.”(Jen Hatmaker)
My personal mission is to be mindful of the present. If I stay in the present, it will be easier to see resolution rather than living in turmoil. I waste too many hours emotionally worn out over situations that are completely resolved. All I need to do to see the resolution is tune into the reality of the present.
Motherhood is a place where honest connection is so necessary. As moms we are not perfect. We make mistakes. Our children are not perfect, they will make mistakes. How do we want them to respond?
“When we model honesty and apologies, our kids learn in real time how to construct a life on truth. We interrupt the toxic trajectory of pretending before it becomes rooted and thus a thousand times harder to pull up.”(Jen Hatmaker)
I want my children to tell me the truth and apologize for their mistakes. So I step up and apologize when my actions are less than stellar. I look my babies in the eyes and say, “Momma should not have reacted that way. I’m sorry I lost my patience. Can you forgive me?” Here I am, letting them know it is ok to make mistakes and own up to them honestly. I am planting the seeds that honest connection is the way to live and love others well.
I Want to Connect Without Drama
Raise your hand if you absolutely love drama. Here I am sitting on my hands. Hard pass! To define drama, let’s look to Jen.
“What I mean by drama are relationships or scenarios that are consistently one –sided, manipulative, disingenuous, self-sunk, irresponsible, untrustworthy, unsafe, overly critical, or flat out mean.” (Jen Hatmaker)
Honest connection is NOT full of drama. If both parties are telling the truth and putting all the cards on the table, we eliminate drama . Drama does not equal conflict. We will have conflict in a world without drama. If two people agree 100% of the time, someone is not being truthful. In an honest world, conflicts will arise. It is what we do next that is important. Say no to drama and yes to genuine connection, compromise, and being present and mindful of the reality before us.
To live a drama free existence we need to make a choice. How do we want to live?
“We absolutely can become more genuine women, proud of who we are, thrilled about where we are going, grateful for the skin we live in. We can say hard things and quit lying. We can tell the truth and experience all the freedom that comes with it. Being scared is just not good enough reason to keep pretending.”(Jen Hatmaker)
I want my world to be full of honest, drama free connection. I want to put forth my genuine self and receive the genuine selves of the people around me. I will live Fierce, Free and Full of Fire.
And with that we come to the end of my Fierce Free Fire series. Joining Jen Hatmaker’s launch team and having the opportunity to read this book and share it with you has brought me so much joy. It is my hope that my personal insights piqued your interest and developed a desire to read Fierce Free and Full of Fire: The Guide to Being Glorious You with your own eyes, mind, and heart. Click here to order your copy and start your own journey to a Fierce, Free and Full life!