Time to jump into the second section of Fierce Free and Full of Fire: The Guide to Being Glorious You. If you missed section one, Who I Am, click here. It is time to take a deep dive into what we need to live strong, happy, connected lives. We all deserve to have these things. They are truly needs not wants. So let’s start at the very beginning – “You deserve goodness. Full stop.”
I Deserve Goodness
Simple enough statement, but how many times do you accept less than goodness from the people in your environment? Worse than simply accepting it, how often do you decide it is somehow a result of something you said or did? The fact remains we are created by God, who loves us, and created us to be loved and to love others. Nowhere in this equation is it possible to provoke another being into causing us harm. We should not expect less than what God created us to have.
Jen referenced the following definition:
‘“Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain power, makes a victim question their reality,” explains Psychology Today, “a hidden form of mental and emotional abuse designed to plant seeds of self-doubt and alter your perception of reality.”’
Gaslighting is a powerful tool of manipulation, one in which I have firsthand knowledge. The amazing thing about this form of manipulation is that it is easy to miss. I had NO IDEA this was going on. It took years of therapy to figure out this had been a part of my reality for a full decade. I know other people saw it. But not I. And I would argue to the contrary with anyone who wanted to bring it to my attention. I lost sight of the GOODNESS I deserved to have at the center of my life.
But here I am today on the other side. Working every day to see the goodness in my life and to accept nothing less than the goodness I deserve. It takes work my friends. The mind needs to focus on and seek out the positive, instead of wallowing in a dark cloud of negativity. I will end this section with one final thought from the lovely Ms. Hatmaker:
“We are famously bad at assigning too much weight to criticism. Negative experiences retain an outsized influence on our mental health, because we cannot stay away from their destructive power, like moths to a flame. But if I spent proportional energy on positive and negative input, I would be forced to conclude that the world is mostly kind, generous, and connected… and a small bit of it is a dumpster fire.”(Jen Hatmaker)
I Need Some Help
How often do you ask for help? If you are like me, you are saving up those requests for something mammoth that you cannot handle yourself. After all, I have this all under control. Nothing on my list is THAT hard. I am sure I can get it all done. Here is the problem, “we do not become stronger but weaker when we refuse to say, “I need some help.”’ Needing help does not take away from our spectacular talents and abilities. They are all still there and they even become stronger if we give up some control and ask for what we need.
Here is my favorite line from the entire chapter on help:
“Fun Fact: when you pretend like you are perfectly managing everything, people believe you!” (Jen Hatmaker)
Thank you Jen for calling me out. You hit the nail right on the head. Why would anyone volunteer to help me when I say I have everything under control? Now there are times when I have everything completely under control, but there are many times when I am faking it with gusto and overwhelm is taking over my entire being. It is unfair to expect the outside world to be able to tell the difference.
Truth be told, the entire universe benefits when people ask for help. We are meant to be a collaborative community. This idea that everything is better when you do it yourself is such insanity. More people, more ideas, more hands to get things done. Collaboration makes so much more sense than going it alone. No one is self-made! I mean really, can we throw that silliness out the window. Let’s be the people who change the narrative.
“I want to be the generation that rejects the poisonous idea of self-reliance, refuses to pass it on to our kids, and instead creates beautiful communities full of generosity…People thrive in helping cultures, bottom lines increase, productivity expands, dreams materialize, fear recedes, pride is shared rather than hoarded and souls awaken, because love is the currency.” (Jen Hatmaker)
My goal is to create a feeling of generosity in my family and community. Many hands make light work. Let us be generous with our time and talents and see what kind of change it brings to the world. I see a brighter future ahead if we are successful.
I Need More Connection
Living in isolation due to the current global pandemic, the reality of the need for connection is painfully apparent. I know I need connection. It is imperative to my health and sanity. I don’t need a million connections, but the ones I have are essential to my well-being.
Vibrant relationships are essential not just to your well-being but also your ability to cope, capacity for resiliency, pursuit of purpose, and likelihood of success.” (Jen Hatmaker)
In 2020, we are using creative means to stay connected. Thank you technology – we appreciate your help. (Although I cannot wait to be able to sit in rooms with people and hug them and feed them and laugh with them.) We need to make an effort to check on our people. Loneliness is dangerous. Keep your eyes open and spot it in the ones you love. Be the bridge. Teach your children to be the bridge. We can be the safe space people need to forge the connection they require for health and happiness.
That wraps up section two of Fierce Free and Full of Fire. Have I piqued your interest? My words barely scrape the surface of the concepts in this book. I encourage you to order the book right now and start reading for yourself. It is time to figure out what you need and lean into the Glorious You our God created you to be!